That time I over promised an epic birthday party a year in advance because I needed something positive to hang on to

Last March, you know the one—March 2020—I sat paralyzed in fear and planned a birthday party for 14 months in the future. At the time I absolutely needed something to look forward to. So I drafted an invite on Facebook and sent it to as many people as it would let me. It was fun. In the darkness I needed a laugh, and so did others.

Here is what I wrote:

Join me for my birthday party, not the birthday coming up in 2 months, but the one over a year away in 2021. WHY? Because my hope is by then we can sit in the yard, hug, dance, laugh, share space and celebrate community. Honestly, I need something to look forward to—so I’m inviting you to a party!!

And it’s a big one, a milestone birthday ... think black balloons and bad jokes. But the way I see it, turning 50 won’t seem heavy after what we are dealing with right now. All I really ask is you keep telling me I look 35, deal?

I can see it now, food, friends, family, drinks, treats ... I’ll buy a cake I can’t eat, and happily pour champagne I won’t drink. Because my food issues are my own, and a party deserves cake, dammit!!

We have a big yard. I know a few people with bands. And a couple who like lighting fireworks. We could play a movie for the kids. Maybe do a crowd funding campaign to get LIZZO to show. I have creative friends, someone has a connection, right?... I just want something to look forward to. I mean really, who wants to Party Like It's 1999—lets party like we're gonna make it to 99!!

So go ahead and RSVP. Let’s pretend it’s happening now, and plan for it in our minds. If you close your eyes long enough you can actually smell the fresh spring air, and hear the familiar laughter of friends. And if you are from out of town, I know a great place with beautiful rooms. I’m looking at you, my out of town pals. It’s been too long. Seriously, book now, we need the reservations, and this party IS happening.

Let’s do this. I’m inviting everyone I know. Because, why not.

Looking forward to looking back on this ...

Hard to think it’s been a year. And what a doozy it’s been. I’ve decided—even though I over promised on the band, was too lazy to raise money to get Lizzo, and barely have the time to cook dinner—that I’m having the damn party.

Why? Because life is short. This year proved it. Millions died, millions more lost jobs, millions more went uneducated, and collectively we faced what has always been right in front of us—that some of us were better equipped for survival because of zip code and skin color.

So, I’m having the party, albeit with masks and sanitizer. We will be outside so I figure at this point let’s celebrate. If you made it past this year, eat the cake. Sit in your yard with friends. Laugh. Cry. Look forward, not back. Use your voice for good. And donate to a few charities. If you still have any money, spend it. If I can admit to turning 50 in a world obsessed with youth and personal brands, you can donate $50 to charity. I can name lots of good ones, but any will do.

I refuse to be embarrassed to be 50. Shocked, stunned and slightly amused, absolutely! But never for one day will I be embarrassed to admit I have lived a life full of experiences and 50 years of love. Oh, and instead of a band I’m gonna embarrass my children by streaming vintage MTV and 80s music videos from YouTube. Fifty is so obviously the new fabulous. And clearly I couldn’t find a band.

PS: Here are my suggestions for donations.

Living Well Disability Services
I work here, it is my actual job to raise money for this incredible organization. We support individuals with developmental and physical disabilities. This work, and these people, are incredible!
Gender Justice
In the chaos of this year my brave nephew finally made it official. He’s a boy! Let’s celebrate trans children, include trans adults and finally fully embrace LGBTQ populations. People are people are people, indeed.
BLM
If you don’t already know this, you need to start doing some real soul searching and research. Read a book or two. White privilege is real, and it doesn’t mean your life is or was easy. It means you benefited from a life without racial barriers.
VEAP
People and children are hungry, help feed them. I have a list of food charities in 36 states, if you need resources let me know. There are are many organizations devoted to keeping people nourished, and they all need money. Food is life!