Welcome to the world of online dating (article)

Now almost considered traditional, online dating is a great way to meet new people

By Heather Heier Lane | Encounter Magazine, Omaha Publications

Gone are the days of marrying your high school sweetheart–today many people are waiting to settle down and end up searching for non-traditional ways to meet their soul mates. Sure, a lot of people still meet the good old-fashioned way, but for the most part there is no longer a set way to meet your mate. Traditional is a thing of the past, and with online sites promising love it is hard to imagine  anyone sitting home alone on a Saturday night.

But who really does this kind of dating? Lonely, desperate, unattractive, socially incompetent people? Nope. For the most part normal people are the ones you will find online. Trust me, I am part of this growing trend. After a million blind dates (okay, maybe 15) and an attempt at speed dating (where you meet eligible  bachelors  in three minute clips), I eventually met my husband on match.com. While the blind dates make for great stories–one was a pilot who flew from Denver to meet me for lunch in Milwaukee – it was when I met my husband that my true love story began. 

So why does online dating work? I compare it to ordering pizza, if you want green peppers and onions you order green pepper and onions. I wanted a tall, creative guy, who was funny and interesting. So with my “order” in mind when I created my profile I soon realized that there is no pressure. If you know what you want you can pretty quickly weed out the people you are not interested in. You get to pick and choose without the uncomfortable face-to-face silence that occurs when you meet people out and about. After meeting a guy for dinner at a fancy restaurant, and another for ice cream on a Sunday afternoon, less than two weeks after posting my profile I met bachelor number three, a 6’5” art director. I immediately knew he was special. Six months later we were engaged,  and nine months after that we were married.  We celebrate our fourth anniversary in January  and are gleefully expecting our first child.

But don’t just take it from me, there are countless success stories out there. Ralph and Laura Williams are another great example of finding love online. Laura was a single mother who pretty much stayed out of the singles scene for 15 years to raise her children after a divorce. Ralph was a widow who lost his wife of 40 years and realized pretty quickly he didn’t much care for being alone. Both were drawn to eharmony.com because of the organized approach to matching couples, finding a good match based on in-depth criteria they deem important. Both Laura and Ralph knew that faith was at the top of their lists, and Ralph used a four F’s approach–faith, family, friends and finances. These were things that were important to him and needed to be important to anyone he was going to be in a relationship with. 

They initially emailed  through the eharmony.com site, eventually started calling each other and two weeks after their initial contact Ralph drove to Lincoln to take Laura to dinner. Ralph said that before their first real date, “we knew an awful lot about each other, the kind of stuff you cannot fake.” Six months later they were married, and they celebrated their third wedding anniversary a few months ago. Turns out eharmony.com matched them so well that when they went through premarital counseling  and took a test on their expectations from their mate, they matched on average  96% of the time. Their counselor assumed they cheated. They didn’t. They simply took the time to get to know each other, made a conscious effort to be honest about their expectations, and found love as a result. They have recommended the site to many friends, but point out that it will only work if you are really ready, and honest with yourself first. 

There are caveats however. Becky is total catch–an attractive, professional single woman in Omaha who decided to give online dating a month and see what happens. She met a man who seemed like a great guy, introduced him to her friends and thought things were going great … until they weren’t. After a few weeks the man she was seeing decided that they needed to celebrate their month anniversary with gifts. She thought it was weird but got him a gift card, having no idea what was appropriate. He ordered her a ring online on a Saturday. Not a sparkly diamond, but a ring similar to one he had that she previously admired. Becky thought this was odd, but went along with it, yet was surprised when he started telling her friends about the ring. That following Tuesday he told her had a nice time with her but saw no romantic connection. Total 180.  

Luckily Becky has a great attitude and says about online dating, “I think that with any dating service … any bar or club, you get a slice of society in there … this can happen anywhere.” The good news is that she is not planning on giving up yet, and will eventually go online again. She knows it can work and points out that her sister and step sister both met their husbands online and found great guys. She would love to get married and have a child, and is not afraid to keep herself out there. She just realizes the importance of getting friends opinions, getting to see people in a social setting to see how they treat others, and asking lots of questions before investing more than a few hours in someone.

What becomes clear when talking to people who have tried looking for love online is it is important to he honest. Before you decide to go online decide what is important to you and what you are really looking for in a relationship. Be safe and smart, follow the same rules you would if you met someone out. Follow your gut and if there are red flags realize that there are other people, better people, out there. 

And don’t do what a friend of mine back in Milwaukee did. She went on a first date with a man at a state park, a huge forest with lots of hiking trails and remote places perfect to hide a body. To top it off she gave him her address and he picked her up at her apartment. Of course I asked if he was towing a wood chipper and had plastic wrap on his car seats. She laughed and said, “no, but I did put a note on my fridge telling my family where I was just in case.” She ended up fine, and a search of the forest was not necessary, but no one wants to end up on the news for such a ridiculous lapse of judgment.  Never give anyone you meet online your address, at least not until you are actually dating and they are no longer a stranger. And unfortunately there are married people online who are more interested in games than relationships. Bottom line is be safe … but remember dating is supposed to be fun. 

Whatever happened to my hiker friend? She met her husband online. 

Skills/Interests: Writing, Freelance, Personal Experience, Relationships